No matter what our reason is for not being able to be real and express our emotions and feelings when we’re with our partners, we have to find a way to give ourselves enough love and respect that we can hear ourselves saying out loud what we need to say. We must experience ourselves making a choice for us where nobody has ever before.
And we have to do it in a way and a place that is safe, where we can’t be punished so there are no negative consequences. We need to learn that claiming our rights is something we deserve reward for, not punishment, and that we’re not doing anything wrong.
Once I started learning how to do it, every time I was with somebody who disrespected me – and it was pretty much all the time! – and I didn’t yet have the courage to defend myself for real, I did it in private, somewhere safe and away from the threat. Actually said the words out loud, let the anger out.
I was venomous, spiteful, the angry woman I’d always been scared to let myself be. I can’t find the words to really describe what that freedom felt like. Claiming my turf. I found my courage and I found my voice. I got in touch with that part of me that was like the lioness defending her cub.
Gradually I started drawing my line in the sand in real time when I was with people who didn’t respect me. At first I was aggressive about it, but I didn’t care. It was better than not being able to say anything, stuffing my emotions and feelings down and being completely disempowered.
But as I grew stronger and more sure of myself, a lot of that aggression melted away. I began to see that I didn’t need it, to get love and respect. Putting down boundaries can sometimes be a quiet thing, a knowledge inside of you that something is not okay. People get the message when you truly know it for yourself.
To buy my ebook And What About Me? Am I Into Him? on how to get real love and respect and be real in relationships, Click the title.