Monday, May 7, 2012

And What About Me? Women In Love Getting Abundance And Fulfillment By Giving Themselves Love And Respect

Is having the experience of real love and respect, and a life of abundance and fulfilment impossible for women in love?  Is it a random thing that they can't do  anything about?  I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe it.

Joan, 32:
What if they – talking about men, of course - refuse to change from now until the end of time?  What if they never ever, ever change?  Does that mean we women in love don't have a chance of fulfilling our dreams and aspirations?  Does it mean we can never get real love and respect, because men are – let’s face it – just all bad?

Every single one of them on the planet?  Now seriously, what are the odds of that being likely?  Lots of women settle for it, though.  It makes them kind of bitter, so if bitter is your thing, then hey, go for it. I don’t want to do that, though, what a waste of a life. 

Personally, the thing that bugs me and keeps me awake at night is, am I playing a part in drawing these men into my life?  Are there are other kinds of men I don’t even see, don’t notice?  Maybe the men who can’t give me love and respect are in my life because I don’t give it to myself.  I don’t have abundance and fulfillment, either, and maybe it’s for the same reason.

One thing I’m sure of: I don’t want to stay stuck in blaming or trashing, or leaving and meeting the same kind of guy – I don’t want to do this anymore.  I’m really sick of it, it isn’t getting me anywhere!  I’m ready for something new.  And call me a dreamer, but I do believe I can get to a place where I can meet somebody who is right for me.  I just don’t believe all men are bad.

Kate, 27:
It's the easy way out, wanting men to change.  I often think some of them should, and I wish they would and it can't be soon enough, but if I don’t want to look at what part I’m playing, what choices I’m making, in creating my own miserable situation and allowing it to continue; if I don’t want to acknowledge that I may be playing a proactive role in it, that means I don’t want to change.

Isn't it a bit hypocritical of me to expect them to change and to refuse to do it myself?  Kind of destroys the moral high ground we love to hang out on.  

One thing's for sure: wishing, hoping, longing and demanding that they’ll change doesn't move us forward an inch, in a real way.  Not even the smallest part of an inch.  Because we're still relying on them to make the important decision.  They still have the power.  We’ll be victims of that power for ever.

The thing that stops a lot of women from wanting to change is that they think change means be more disciplined, be stronger, deprive yourself of comfort.  That’s not what I’m talking about, though.  I’m talking about learning to appreciate ourselves, and being kinder to ourselves than we’ve ever been.  Listening to our own emotions and feelings and meeting our own needs.

Giving ourselves love and respect.  Why do we need men to give us permission to do that?  We don’t, and that’s the best truth of all.  Change, for women in love, means becoming less adaptive to men’s needs, and more aware of our own.

To buy my ebook And What About Me? Am I Into Him? on how to get real love and respect and be real in relationships,  Click the title.